Teach Me How To Say "I Love You"

Anyone who knows me knows that I've never had a serious relationship with any woman before. I've dated a lot and had a lot of fun but I've never been with someone whom I've ever thought I could ever call "The One." And lately I've been questioning whether or not there is truly a woman I can call "The One."

These thoughts of insecurity come at a time when I am in a relationship with a woman (who didn't dump me after the six month mark and to whom I didn't walk out on) whom I've been seeing for over six months now. For most of those six months it's been mostly off but lately it's been mostly on so my mind has been pondering things that it's never had the opportunity to until now.

These thoughts and feeling are brought to the surface at a time in which me and her are closer then we have ever been before which is saying a lot considering - and here comes the background and exposition - that we have known each other for over ten years and ten years ago we were dating. Ten years ago when we first dated it was more of an "affair" that burned bright when it started but fizzled out before we knew it (either of us since neither of us seem to have a clear grasp of why we ever broke up back then).

It's ten years later and her three kids are practically grown and she has become one of the most mature women I've ever known. This is a lot coming from some one whom ten years ago I didn't give as much credit but in hindsight (which tends to make asses of us all) I was more of an asshole and immature fiend myself. Ten years ago I didn't think she was good enough for me and now ten years later I don't think I'm good enough for her.

I think upon these issues now since it's just a little over six months since we started seeing each other again and I don't know where I would rather be then with her.

Words come so easy for me when I write them down yet when I speak them out loud I get flustered and still make an ass of myself. I guess some things never seem to change. Whereas, words slip from her mouth as easily as Bach crafting on concerto I wish sometimes my lips would just spill it out rather then choke on them.

I'm working on it and I hope that she can hang in there just a little longer. I know she's been waiting for ten years but I'm an idiot and to me she still looks ten years younger every time I look upon her.

I'm not the romantic type but hopefully I'm getting there.