"Back 2 Basics"

No longer involved with my former girlfriend. It didn’t take long as I had anticipated and if you read my former blog about her then you would have probably thought that “maybe” I had hopes it would be different this time.
Nope. Fate has other plans for me and the rest of my life, so, my former girlfriend and I are no more and now I can get back to basics and continue upon my own life’s direction without all the added baggage that came with that relationship.
But isn’t there baggage that comes with any relationship?
My former girlfriend had lots of “baggage” as in regards to a former marriage that had kids, a “legal” marriage that she couldn’t afford to get out of as of right now, lack of a good job, smart children with an attitude, and a multitude of other “baggage” that she could not simply leave at the baggage claim of the airport.
Let me just say that I never expected her to leave her baggage at the baggage claim and as many people have attested to my personality, I have a knack of turning a bad situation into a good one regardless of the hurtles and problems that may arise.
I’ve just come to the conclusion that this same quality is not present in all other people. So, it’s a good thing that my former girlfriend and I broke up. I just would’ve have liked to have been told this by her.
I’m not bitter mind you. It’s something I’ve come to expect considering that she did the same thing ten years ago when we were first dating. A leopard never changes its spots and neither do some people it seems, which is why I’m still surprised we went as far and as long as we did.
Now I’m back to basics and trying new things and new people.
First off, I’m going to get a lot of work done and caught up as being at the mercy of a relationship has taken its toll on my career. I didn’t mind at first but when you break off a relationship that you think might go some where and then you look back at all the sacrifices that were made in the name of that relationship and realize that they were done in vain then you realize that you have a lot of catching up to do and that’s what I’m doing now – catching up and I’m not going to let another person stand in my way again.
I’m not bitter, mind you, although it might seem that maybe I have a little bit of spite in me but it’s like anything you try and put all your blood and tears in and then you have nothing to show for it at the other end. That is how I feel about my former relationship now that I’ve had time to reflect back upon it. I’ve come out of the relationship the same as when I entered it and now I feel as though it was all a big waste of time.
Maybe it wasn’t a big waste of time. Many events and occurrences in one’s life seem to be meaningless and pointless (as this one seems to me) until long in the future we’ve had time to reflect. I’ve reflected and it’s still just meaningless. Good thing I’m going back to the basics then because the last six months (the length of which the relationship lasted) will have all but been a dream to me.

Teach Me How To Say "I Love You"

Anyone who knows me knows that I've never had a serious relationship with any woman before. I've dated a lot and had a lot of fun but I've never been with someone whom I've ever thought I could ever call "The One." And lately I've been questioning whether or not there is truly a woman I can call "The One."

These thoughts of insecurity come at a time when I am in a relationship with a woman (who didn't dump me after the six month mark and to whom I didn't walk out on) whom I've been seeing for over six months now. For most of those six months it's been mostly off but lately it's been mostly on so my mind has been pondering things that it's never had the opportunity to until now.

These thoughts and feeling are brought to the surface at a time in which me and her are closer then we have ever been before which is saying a lot considering - and here comes the background and exposition - that we have known each other for over ten years and ten years ago we were dating. Ten years ago when we first dated it was more of an "affair" that burned bright when it started but fizzled out before we knew it (either of us since neither of us seem to have a clear grasp of why we ever broke up back then).

It's ten years later and her three kids are practically grown and she has become one of the most mature women I've ever known. This is a lot coming from some one whom ten years ago I didn't give as much credit but in hindsight (which tends to make asses of us all) I was more of an asshole and immature fiend myself. Ten years ago I didn't think she was good enough for me and now ten years later I don't think I'm good enough for her.

I think upon these issues now since it's just a little over six months since we started seeing each other again and I don't know where I would rather be then with her.

Words come so easy for me when I write them down yet when I speak them out loud I get flustered and still make an ass of myself. I guess some things never seem to change. Whereas, words slip from her mouth as easily as Bach crafting on concerto I wish sometimes my lips would just spill it out rather then choke on them.

I'm working on it and I hope that she can hang in there just a little longer. I know she's been waiting for ten years but I'm an idiot and to me she still looks ten years younger every time I look upon her.

I'm not the romantic type but hopefully I'm getting there.